What is Sufficient?

It is Monday, April 27th, 2009. I share with Grasshopper the events of my night. He asks, "Why didn't you wake me?" I tell him that he was resting well and I did not want to wake him. He has had several sleepless nights with helping me since surgery. He frowns at me.

We have breakfast, and I notice that the pain is not quite as miserable when I am up and around and taking shallow breaths. After a good shower, I am able to get comfortable and rest from mid-morning until around lunchtime. Grasshopper and Caterpillar had been working on the patio all morning, and came in for some lunch together. When they went back outside, I was able to sleep for another couple of hours. I am tired and weary. I find rest in him.

Around 3:30 pm I am sound asleep on the couch. I awaken as my boys come inside. Grasshopper comes over and asks how I am feeling. He helps me sit up to go to the restroom. The stabbing pains have returned. As I am clenching his arm to stand, I feel the knife completely take my breath. I cry out in anguish and am falling to my knees. Grasshopper catches me as my body is going limp and he sits me down on the couch. He yells to our son, "Caterpillar, get in the truck NOW!" He gets me up and in the truck as well. We are now rushing off to the ER. The pains continue with each breath. Even shallow breaths are extremely painful. Grasshopper drives as gingerly, yet quickly as possible!

Praise the Lord! We are there in just a few minutes. As we walk in, hubby tells the lady at the registration desk his wife is having severe side and chest pains. As she is taking down basic info, they come out for me with a wheelchair. Literally, inside of a minute, I was hooked up to a twelve lead EKG and an IV started with heparin. The tech whispers to us that the EKG looks good. So what is this from I wonder? The doctor comes in and asks questions regarding my symptoms. He says he wants to do some blood work and do a chest x-ray to rule out a fractured rib.

It is about 5:00 pm. As a mother, I am thinking about Caterpillar getting hungry soon. I know God will sustain us. We wait.

The lab comes and draws my blood. Soon after an x-ray machine is wheeled in! There are advantages of going to the ER! We wait.

About an hour later the doctor comes in and says that the x-ray shows no signs of a fracture. However, some of my blood levels are high, and there is something else on my x-ray. I am showing signs of a pulmonary embolism.

My heart stops for a milli-second.

He orders a CT scan to be done, where a dye is injected through my IV to view all of my veins, especially around my heart and lungs. He encourages me to hang in there, and that he will be back in with the results as soon as possible once the test is completed and read. We wait.

Another nurse/technician comes. She is very kind and patient. We talk about my medical history and any allergies which could be a problem for the test. We talk about my surgery, and determine how I can be positioned for the test to be done. Grasshopper and Caterpillar go out and try to find a snack. The nurse and I walk back to the CT scanning room. I need to lie down flat on my back for the imaging to take place. She positions a pillow to give my neck just enough support without compromising the scan. She injects the dye into my IV. Soon after I feel the warm rush go through my entire body. It was a strange, yet painless feeling. For this I am thankful. The machine then begins and I am slid in and out of the machine a few times for the images to be taken. At various points I am told not to breathe, and then breathe. This is not difficult at this point, as I am desperately trying to breathe without breathing because of the pain! When we are finished, she said I did great, and helps me get up. After returning to the patient room, she says the doctor should be in soon with the results.

Grasshopper and Caterpillar return. They were able to rummage the halls and waiting room to find a snack machine. No crackers, or anything with minimal nutritional value. Candy only! Sigh! So they opt for peanut M&M's... it will at least include some protein, right? At least Caterpillar is satisfied and not complaining! We wait.

The doctor comes in. He says, "As you know, some of your blood levels were high and indicative of a possible clot. The CT scan results show that there is in fact a pulmonary embolism in your left lower lobe." He pauses, and all of us look around the room at each other. My eyes lock on my husband, and then Caterpillar. I feel my eyes welling with tears. I look up. I hold the tears as much as possible. The doctor then continues speaking. He says, "You are very lucky to still be here. The clot could have easily travelled further to your heart. Often times, we see patients with a pulmonary embolism after the fact. Sometimes things happen in the ER that we just cannot explain." He pauses and gives me a smile.

He continues to explain that I will have to be hospitalized for at least 72 hours. He is going to start me on a new medication that acts like heparin to thin my blood. It is called Lovenox. It is in a shot form, thus no need for a continuous IV, and there are less side effects. This medication will act as a bridge to build my body to therapeutic levels to take Coumadin for at least 6 months, he says. All of this will keep my blood thin enough so that the clot will not build on itself. It will instead naturally dissolve on it's own over time. My blood levels will have to be monitored regularly. Eventually another scan will be done to ensure the clot has dissolved completely. My head is spinning, and the gears in my mind are turning. All at the same time I feel as if life is standing still. My eyes continue going from the doctor, to my husband, to my child. I will need to be transported by ambulance to the main hospital in our city where we live. He says he is going to process the paperwork right away, and that I should be transported in about an hour.

Hubby and I talk, and he assures me everything will be alright. I am trying to be strong for Caterpillar. It is now 9:00 pm. Hubby needs to take Caterpillar home, feed him and get him in bed! He says he will call the hospital later to make sure I am all situated and settled. I walk to the curtain at the edge of the room. I kiss Hubby and Caterpillar, and give them a big hug. As I watch them walking away, the tears began to well. The thought crossed my mind that my precious curly blond haired boy could be walking away without his Mommy. I am fighting the tears desperately. I blow him many kisses!

When I can no longer see them, I return to the bed and try to get comfortable. The curtain is drawn completely. I look around the room and I am all alone. I close my eyes, and I immediately feel His presence. Then in my mind I hear, "No, you are not alone, I am here."

I begin to cry.

I thank God for HOLDING ME IN HIS HANDS!

I thank Him for taking care of me.

I thank Him for loving me.

I thank Him for His GRACE!

His grace is enough!

Miracles do really happen!

HIS GRACE IS SUFFICIENT!